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I’ve never been a woman.

I know it’s hard to believe, but it’s true.

I’m glad I’m not a woman.  Until I was 24, I figured women had received the short straw.  Child-bearing, make-up, mood-swings, menstruation, menopause, peeing sitting down … none of it sounded all that pleasant.  My female friends tended to agree with me to a point, but, they said, I didn’t understand.  They said that there was more to being a woman than bearing children and peeing sitting down.  I was skeptical, but figured they knew better than me.

I’ve come to appreciate the female experience more since then.  I do think there is something about the ‘mother’ process that is simply magical, and entirely beyond the realm of males to grasp.  Emotions, too, seem to effect most women differently, for better and worse.  There is much more, of course, and to be honest, sometimes I pee sitting down just to have a little break.

Since then I’ve also learned a lot more about the realities of being a woman in the world.

I’ve learned that, even in developed countries, ideas of ‘equality’ are often illusions.  Women who were formerly glorified domestic servants now have access to education and employment.  Still, virtually everywhere in the world, women get paid less, have less power and live constantly under the oppressive shadow of sexuality.  Beauty rules, and in much of the world, it is a natural truth that jobs and promotions require sexual favors.  Then they return home, where they are generally expected to continue their duties as domestic servants, working two work-days in 24 hours.  They cook, clean and raise the children while their ‘men’ watch television and drink beer, or sit under trees and drink beer, or go to pubs and drink beer.  Often, they conclude their beer drinking by beating up their women.  (Of course, I’m generalizing.  There are many good men in the world.)

The oppressive shadow of sexuality doesn’t end in the workplace.  One of the most enlightening conversations I’ve ever had was with a hooded Muslim woman.  She chose to cover her face and body.  She said it was the most liberating thing she had ever done.  Her whole life, she was judged first on her looks, and if they passed inspection, her listeners might give slight attention to her words.  Covered, she was a voice and a mind first and foremost. She was so proud of her voice.  She spoke with sadness at wasting so much of her life taking pride in her body instead of her mind.  How tragic that even in our ‘progressive’ society, a woman must hide her body to be truly heard.  (I acknowledge, of course, that I am a man, and that many Western women have a different perspective on this.  As I said, I can’t possibly understand.)

This is just the beginning.  A recent study approximated that 48 women are raped every hour in the the DRC.  That’s just one country.  As you read this, possibly hundreds of women are being victimized by the emotional retardation of physically superior (often gun-wielding) men.  Innocent, they bear the burden of HIV and the stigma unwanted children.  I read once that between 1/4 and 1/2 of all Canadian women suffer some form of sexual abuse in their lives.  I’m sure most of us know somebody.  I know many.  Imagine the weight of fear carried daily by so many of our world’s women.  Imagine the shame and guilt they have done nothing to deserve.  I can’t imagine it.  Which is to say nothing of ‘run-of-the-mill’ gender-based violence (what a sickening term), which haunts hundreds of millions more.

Still, that is just the beginning.  Millions of young girls have their vaginas cut off every year in ritualistic ceremony.  Some are sewn shut to certify  their economic or cultural ‘value.’  Some have their clitorises removed to prevent them from enjoying sex.  Millions of teenage girls cursed by beauty are traded, tricked or stolen into lives of sexual servitude, drug addiction and death.  And on, and on, and on …

Around the world, boys are sent to school while girls stay home to serve their men.  “She does not need to read in order to cook and carry water.”  (This trend, at long last, is beginning to change.) What benefit is education to a person’s future?  How does it impact the life of their children?  Their grandchildren?  Even today, in the world’s poorest places, as many a 1 in 8 children die before they reach age five.  Tens of thousands of children die every day.  How many lives could be spared if their teenage mothers knew the basics of nutrition and hygiene?  What potential exists in these women to create brighter futures for their communities, and our world?  What has become of so much potential?

Everywhere, households led by women suffer the debilitating effects of poverty far worse than households led by men.  Talk to any single mother in North America and ask her how easy her life is.  50% of the world’s population is female, but they own a tiny a fraction of the property and wealth (1%?).  In much of the world, patriarchal traditions and ownership laws actually prevent women from owning anything, including their own bodies.  Millions of women are traded as economic assets, their primary value residing in their capacity to bear children (that is, to create more economic assets).

I could go on.  And on.

Do not be defeated!  Never allow yourself to feel despair!  There is hope.

It was only in the last few centuries that Western nations have come to recognize women as ‘people’ and to give them equal rights.  It has been a constant battle, and there is still far to travel, but women today have access to opportunity unimaginable through most of human history.  Thanks to technology, the ideas and inspiration that sparked these movements have reached the darkest corners of the globe.  Women everywhere, old and young, are standing up for their rights as human beings, challenging archaic gender-norms and are pushing back against the unjust cultures and institutions that have enslaved and oppressed their grandmothers for generations.

This, as I see it, is the key.  Change can’t be imposed from the outside.  We have tried that, and it has failed (i.e. Iraq).  Change must come from within.  It must work within the existing culture.  It must respect the traditions, finding a  compromise between things as they are and things as they ought to be.

And the only people who can do that are locals.  International women and local men can play a role … to support, encourage, inspire, and strengthen … but the drivers of change must be the oppressed themselves.

In a few weeks, I leave for 6 months in Ethiopia.  My goal is to find local women … young women who are smart, strong, vocal and already driving change in their communities.  I want to find them, and I want to do everything I can to make them stronger.  At the very least, I can teach them English, and through this global language, give them access to a world of ideas and information.

I hope I can do so much more.

An important final note: I used to think it was good to “do good” in the world.  Many people assume that this is what I do.  Many people set out to ‘change the world.’

Experience has taught me how foolish (and arrogant) this mindset is.  I have come to realize very clearly that the only real change happens inside, and is born of open-minds and honest human communication.  I hope I can share my light with a handful of brilliant young women, so theirs can shine a little brighter.  I’m very excited by all the things I’m sure they will teach me.

Peace and love.