27 August, 2011
(I couldn’t sleep last night, so opened my computer, and this came out very unexpectedly.)
We’re alive, you and I, for the moment at least.
Alive? What is life?
A moment of awareness perhaps, followed by another and another; a thought and a feeling as now becomes then, again and again, on and on, until it’s off.
Life: a moment of awareness; a now. So then how to live life well?
Certainly not worry; such a waste of the now. And anger too, and sadness: a once in a life-time moment of awareness, here now and never here again; a once in a life-time spent with back turned from the light, all energy focused on the bad and the sad and the mad. Once in a life-time: gone and wasted forever.
And what of desire, and want: a now that is not good enough; a now that could be better; a now that is wasted wishing for a different, and impossible now. And now it is gone, too. And now there is regret for the then that wasn’t and the now that isn’t and the what might be that never will. Another moment is lost and the end of moments is now one moment closer.
And of course, tomorrow won’t ever come; can’t ever come. Tomorrow will always be tomorrow, as today will always, always be today. Now is all there is. So now how to live well?
Love. To love is to succumb to the now, to accept the now, to embrace the now for all that it is. As soon as now becomes filled with all that now isn’t, love comes to an end, replaced by judgement and desire and regret. How can I be happy with what is real if I want what isn’t? How can I be happy if I’m not happy. And in a blink, now is already gone again, wasted again, wasted forever and never to return.
Victims of our thoughts, it is impossible to live now. Our thoughts run and run and run, from wishes to regrets to wants, always rejecting the now. “If only,” they say. If only then were different. If only now could be. Then … in that then … then I will be happy. Not now though. Now, there are just so many things that aren’t what I want. Just so many things that can, could and could have been better, if only…
But lo, what a gift is life! So many nows have been wasted, but here, blooming ever anew is another. And now another and another and another, as thought becomes feeling and moment becomes moment. Here again is another opportunity; an occasion to live, to laugh and to smile. Here again, is a chance to love, to give love and to feel love.
And soon, soon, so so soon … they will stop.
So then how to live, moment to moment? How to embrace this bountiful spring of life, as each moment lost leaves one less moment left to be lived?
Victimized by thoughts of desire and want? Trapped in feelings of anger and sorrow and regret? Choosing to reject the only thing that is real?
Or in happiness and love; in gratitude for this rare and precious treasure of a thought and a feeling and a breath. A single breath that will be only once and will never, ever, anytime, anywhere, ever be again.
And there it’s gone again already, but no matter, for here again already is another.
How shall I spend it? How shall I live?
I choose happiness and gratitude.
Now is for kindness and love.
Peace and love.
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