how does it feel … to be without a home … a complete unknown … like a rolling stone ???

i haven’t posted in a long time … i should explain that, but i don’t want to … i will say only that i have written a lot of posts that have never seen the light of day … someday, maybe …

i am in calgary right now, staying with my brother and his lovely wife to be … i have been back in Canada since the 22nd …

it has not been easy …

i have found myself, on occasion, sitting alone on the floor in the dark with my head in my hands …

some things just don’t reconcile … 2 contradictory truths … or 3 …

i have written about this … usually i write towards a solution … can’t win ‘em all …

the problem is … the contradictions strike at the very core of who i am … there is no way i can win … no matter how the pieces fall … i lose a piece of myself that i wouldn’t trade for anything in the world …

there are some things you just can’t forget …

in a couple hours i am leaving for vancouver … i have never been to vancouver … i am taking nothing but a couple hundred bucks, a ticket home in 1 month, a toothbrush and a change of clothes …

i have never been so scared of anything in my life …

i don’t know what i will do, how i will eat, where i will sleep or what i will look like when i come back …

i already don’t recognize the face in the mirror …

as always … i am happy and supremely confident in myself (though not sure who ‘i’ is anymore)… and that the Universe/God will guide me …

still terrified though…

i am telling people i am going to ‘find one solution that will help low-income people make a little more money’ …

somehow, though i speak the truth, i hear it as b.s. even as the words leave my mouth … what i really believe is that what vancouver will teach me will be nothing like what i expect …

and i wouldn’t have it any other way …

thanks to all for so much love and support … as of Feb 5th, my journey is officially over … many pictures/stories/etc. will be ‘unleashed’ in some form soon after that time …

happy new year my friends !!!